休战心情

考试，唉，已经过了四天了。
还有三张，我挨得过去的，挨不过也得挨。

我很怕，真的很怕，
如果这一次考砸了，我的命运又会怎样？
不知道。
我又怎么会知道？这个世上，很多东西我是不知道的。
人人问我，考试会出什么？我怎们会知道？
这个怎样做？怎样回答？我又怎么会知道？
我是assignment的leader,但是不代表什么事情我都知道。
我不是那么值得信任的。

为什么我需要拿起那么多责任？为什么是我？
我又不是很可靠。

这种事情以外，谁还会需要我？还会记得我？
我不知道。
我是否重要？难说，也许真的，除了工作以外的事，我便不是那么重要了吧。

明天得继续开工了，一个人吧。
对吧，也许我是诚实的，一个人是我喜欢的感觉。
很累，但是没有事情是永恒的，没有事情是长久的，
有人可以依赖的感觉很好，有可靠的朋友，有可信的长辈，
但是如果这些突然离你而去，那种悲，那种痛，会如伏骨之锥，紧紧跟着你。
所以，不如自己一个人的，更好。

也许是最近压力了，所以emo了吧？
我的情绪化，又占据了我。
也不知道怎么了，我今天很想离开大学，很想离开。
去哪里都好，我就不想留在这里。
教授说我懂得事情很多，总比别人明白，所以应该理解世界的真实性，不再居于那种少年的浪漫情怀。
我想来都很理性，我知道的。
是好事，是坏事？我不晓得。
教授对我的期望是高的，我知道，但是背不背得起这一切，我就不晓得了。

my hands are full, my back is burden.....
I don't know whether can I take more.....
I know what I want, I had the skills, I can do it,
these are all lies.....
I don't know anything, I am confuse.....
To be truth, I am scare.
I don't talk about it, doesn't mean that I am being untrustful.....
Yeah....it's good to have friends and adults that can relied on, you always have someone to back you up,
but that's why it's so dangerous, especially when you get used to it.
Nothing last forever, someday, you are going to lose everybody, and you will be left on your own.
It will so miserable, and it will be hard to recover from it.

明天本来还有一个聚会的，但是我想我还是缺席算了。
去了又如何？反正也没人期待我去的。
已经没人记得我了。
我所付出的努力，为的事帮我得恩人完成心愿。
现在任务完成，而且还得到很好的回响，我也该功成身退。
奇怪的事，那些一天到晚说要庆祝，想念着我们当时的人，
我想问一下，你们付出的努力，你们觉得足够？
我不想多说什么，it would be useless crying over spilt milk。
我完成了我的工作也就是了。

I recalled myself accomplished my work without having my emotions getting my ways.
I did cried, angered by irresponsibility and maybe annoyed by some other reasons,
but I was proud to say that, I never let these get into my job.
At least none of the customers realized these, even my colleague, well they are supposed to be, took no notice on this.
Or maybe they just don't care. As long as someone get the job done, they are off to have fun.
Maybe.

I treated my customers well, giving my best customers' service, I improved the menu every single day, getting feedback from everyone, smiling and approached their requests even when my heart was aching badly.
I accomplished most of my own department's job and fulfilled the orders.

And I am not regret on what I said to who that should be worshiped, I did not scold, just trying to negotiate with him and make him understand.
He maybe someone authorized, but after all, we are the host, so he should be the one following our rules.
My orders was to serve the delegates and satisfied their request to the fullest. That's what I supposed to do. As for you, you shouldn't be consider one as you don't really have the requirement.
The most important, you never pay.
And also, the one I should be reporting, is my boss. The one who should be ordering me should also my boss. I should be assisting you, but not adhering you in every single thing.
You have no rights to order me around in any time.
 And I have the rights to judge what is relevant to be obeyed.

But after all, I do respect him since he started to respect me ever since then.

So, getting your emotions out of your work, doing the best for the customers, clarify and understand the work you should be doing and what you should not be doing, keep play and work apart,
that's what really meant by professionals.
At least , that's what I understand.

I don't like to be forced, especially when I have a choice.
I worked in dislike environment, for the sake of money, to be realistic.
It's not that I am not ambitious, not having dreams and ideal ambitions like all of you.
It's because I know how the world really runs and how cruel it could be.
Name me cruel and cold as you may be, but that's me.
I may be cold, i guess, but I am not cold blooded.
Those who will understand me, they will do it without having me clarify anything.

I can speak English if I want to, I will speak for the sake of work and according to circumstances that needed me to do so.
But leave me alone during free time. My proficiency in the language that is not in my blood does not have anything to do with my personalities.
I am not showing off, but if I want to, my English may just shut you all up.
It doesn't matter anymore, I do not need to prove anything to anyone I don't care.

说了一大堆的英文，看回来，其实自己的英文还真的不赖啊~
曾几何时，还有人以为我不敢说英文，不会说英文呢。
做人不该拖泥带水，有些事情偶尔会困扰我们，但是那些鸡毛蒜皮的事。还是别管了。
我们已经是成年人了，该学会什么叫责任。
这个世界，大家同样住着，大家都有义务知道它怎么了，在发生什么事。
该关注的，又有多少人会关注呢？
不该关注的，又有多少人在费神呢？
我不知道，反正现在我只是很想睡觉。

don't keep on saying that you are taking up challenges or facing any hardships.
to be strong, we do not need to seek for challenges ( quoted from Lion King 1994, XD 职业病）
I don't see that, at least.
If you mean picking up challenges by choosing only the work you like, then I will understand what you said.
Do whatever you like Miss, but I warned you, if you ever make her cry or depress again, I won't let you go so easily next time.
She is naive and cares for you but you used her.
Calling you a dumbass should be acceptable.

朋友阿，为你出了一次气，希望你以后醒目些。
没有那么多好朋友的，这个世界。
我也只能暗地里做这种事，你不会知道，当然我也不想让你知道，
你也不需要知道，只要你的头知道就好了。

Emo 也该够了，是时候收拾心情，返回征途了。
毕竟这是我的使命，专业点，就该完成它不是吗？